i'm not die

well, 2 days i not write in this blog,
so busy injure my self, haha..
ga jg kok,

hmm, yesterday they got wisuda.
they look so handsome, especially him =))
hehe, ga nyangka jg, hari itu dy terlihat sangat beda dan sangat menawaaan, =))
dengan kesederhanaannya,=))
honest, i want to can beside him again, always give attention, know all about him..
yaaa.. you know why we could be like now,
ya.. ga ada yg salah sih.but, i always feel this is my false. =(
and now, i can't repair my false.i can't beside him again.
what is more, to meet again will be difficult.
z .. i'll always pray for you, =))
i'm sorry.

well,about dp.. dunno why, i not saw him yesterday.
sempet ngeri juga. shit! jgn2 ga lulus ni anak.. tapi kyanya dy lulus..=))
so so so sad because i wont meet again. padahal, tujuan gw dateng jg cuma buat liat dp for the last time. tapi ga ada! bt abis,
but, i always say: sampai ketemu di unpad!
huaahhhahahhahhaa... just dreaming. but, maybe obvious later.

hm,
i injure my self again last night, i used cutter. it can injure my self easier than scissors


try suicide
last night my mom cooked shrimp, and i ate it. i want to drank, so i take a glass and pour vitamin c into the glass. pas gw pngn minum, baru inget gw: oiya. kan abis makan udang jgn minum vitamin c ya? lupa gw. ntar mati gw.
but, then i drunk it.in my heart i say: yah, gapapalah.. biar cepet sampe di depan Tuhan, itu kan yg lw mau mir? dah cape kan lw idup?
hmm.. after that, i injure my self. i wrote his name on my thigh with a cutter. sempet bingung, mau dimana lagi?? udah full. so, gw sempil-sempilin di tempat yg belum kena, hahaha..
and i bleed..

before i sleep, i was so affraid. gw takut klo ntar gw beneran mati gimana?? apa Tuhan terima gw, gw kan suicide. jgn2 ntar gw masuk neraka lg..
hm, sampe akhirnya gw pasrah. oh, God, if You will call me now, douzo yoroshiku..
gw dah bikin tulisan kaya surat gt segala, takutnya mati beneran.

and finally,
gw mati.

haha, ya ga lah..
this morning when i open my eyes, i say: oh God, i life.God!! i life! thx god!!!
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
lega.
bgt.
lgs gw pegang badan gw, utuh kan? ga knp2 gw?
i feel Jesus want me to repair my self and be better, mumpung gw dikasih hidup satu kali lagiiiiiiiiiiii..

thx God!