shadow

hemm, oke. sekarang gue mau ngomongin shadow yg artinya:
bayangan
belakangan tu gue sangat menyukai my immortalnya evanesc.
inilah liriknya..

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

yeaah, bisa liat sendiri kan nyambungnya bayangan yg gue bilang sama lagu itu
my immortal itu sendiri artinya keabadianku,
so, udah kegambar jelas apa maknanya,
yaitu yaa sekitar seseorang yg abadi, ga bisa hilang dan selalu ada
"cause your presence still lingers here, and it wont leave me alone"
-karena kehadiranmu tetap ada disini, dan itu tak akan meninggalkanku sendiri-
hemm, mungkin si penulis lagu ini tu(Ben Moody+Amy Lee) mau cerita
tentang seseorang yg lg terjebak dlm bayangan seseorang yg ga bisa ilang dlm hidupnya,
dan dalam pikirannya, orang ini terus ada.
padahal yg ada itu bukan si orang ini, melainkan..
dirinya sendiri

***

kemaren salah seorang temen gue berinisial M sms gue dan.. curhat,haha
dia cerita katanya dia gabisa lupain seseorang yg gabisa gue sebut disini,
hemm, sama aja lo M sama gue.
well, okei.. gue sama M gamau yg namanya bersedih-sedih gt gr2 COWOK2 kucrit.
trs gue cb berempati gt sama M, gue cb bayangin gimana jadi di posisi M.
dan trs gue bilang sama M:
yaudahlah M, kalo lo emg gabisa lupain mah emang ga usah dipaksain jg, ga guna..
lo pasti kuat kok buat ngadepin bayang2 kucrut dia hadir di hidup lo!
lagipula, Tuhan ikt campur tgn di setiap masalah lo, sesepele apapun itu masalah lo..
jd jangan takut sakit hati karna semuanya tu bakalan jadi pelajaran, bukan cobaan.

well, i know that difficult to survive, but too difficult to erase them.

dan, back to topic.
jadi gue pngn jelasin sejelas-jelasnya gimana maksudnya;
disini gue anggap gue jd subjectnya.
i'm on a position where i lost someone
so, i got depression about it.
i want to request a paid from all my crazy sacrifice to him/her
and suddenly i feel that i found him/her again,
i feel her/him presence.
and i feel her/him come back.
for a long time i enjoyed it,
until i'm conscious there's just S.H.A.D.O.W
itu cuma bayangan mereka, dan itu diri gue sendiri..
hemm, bisa bayangin ga sih??
gue berperan menjadi him/her itu untuk menggantikan posisi him/her
di hidup gue yg hilang,

dan lo tau?
setelah gue sadar tentang semua ini tu..
sakit

***
well, 1 yg gue minta:
bayaran dari semua sacrifice gue yg ga gampang ditemuin di pinggir jalan gitu
yg ga gampang pertahaninnya,
yg ga gampang ngelakuinnya
tapi gampang lo lupain,
OKEY,
gue tunggu lo di ujung nyawa lo!